I was driving to a meeting earlier in the afternoon when I had a moment of self-reflection while behind the wheels (while still paying attention to the road, don’t you worry). I have been feeling constantly edgy, anxious and panicky, like something bad is looming, threatening to pounce on me big time. I had quite a productive time over the weekend. And some downtime too.
But that feeling of uneasiness was always there.
It’s compounded with a feeling of self-doubt too. Whether I am doing the right thing, or not doing the right thing. Whether I am saying the right thing, or not saying the right thing. Whether I am doing too much, or should have done more. Whether I should have taken a different route out of the many options presented in life. Whether I should live up to expectation (imagined or otherwise), and keep mum about the sick feeling in my stomach.
It hit me, while navigating my way through the traffic today, that I may be experiencing a near nervous breakdown. That’s not good. I even Googled existential crisis. Let’s hope displaying the signs they say you would have does not necessarily mean you do have one.
Whatever it is, I think surrounding yourself with the right people makes a whole lot of difference.
Today I met a group of people who have with them an incredible amount of wisdom having the benefit of years and experience life has to offer. No, we did not actually talk about ourselves. No heart to heart session or anything like that. But to be around people who had obviously been through a lot and seen a lot, but still turn out the kind, respected and dignified persons they are, with boundless energy and selfless heart to better things for others, it is so humbling and empowering. I came out of the meeting feeling a little better than I was before the meeting started.
It is a constant work in progress, but we should try to focus less on the negativity in life and look at the big picture and what life is also trying to tell you through the little things.